In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
