you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
