Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
