I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
