from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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