Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
