Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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