here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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