my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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