I can't breathe out the right side of my face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
