Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
