we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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