I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
