My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We have started to decorate penises.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
