I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
