At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
