perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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