the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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