You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
