oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
