some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
