I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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