You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
