i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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