how can u be prego again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
