Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
