her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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