remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
