my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
