I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have fence marks all over my body
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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