It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
