no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
