i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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