Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Plan B is the new Plan A
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize