She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
