FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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