I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
