This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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