I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
