I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
