I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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