its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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