What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
