Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
