Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't put those talents on a resume
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
