My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
