i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
