Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
