I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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