its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
