He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
