Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
