I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
