Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
