i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
