Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
