its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
