just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
