god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
