I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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