I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
