I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
