you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
