No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
