Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
