god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think i got beer on your cat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize