I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
