I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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