So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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