the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
