i already hear my dad disowning me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
