dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
