Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
