Umm I'm too high to move.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
