I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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