Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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