I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
