I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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