Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
