btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
