Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
